It goes without saying that all of us have goals in life that we want to achieve. There are so many things that people yearn for - a dream job, having close friends or even intangible things such as developing positive qualities.
However, in the process, there is one thing that we all face regardless of our goal or target in life - challenges. The set of challenges each person faces may be different, but there are a few things in common across the board.
From the picture, it's clear that many people are fixated on the final result, and more often than not overlook the process and route it took for them to get there. We assume that these people who got what they wanted, or are successful, had a straight path there, but it certainly was a tough journey.
Despite the fact that there will be setbacks, it is important not to lose heart. There are a few tips on how we can conquer these setbacks and eventually achieve our goals.
First and foremost, we must remember that everyone starts from zero. If we want to learn a new skill, such as a musical instrument, it is important to remember that even the best pianist or guitarist once didn’t know how to play their respective instruments. We must know that even if we may have zero knowledge or skill in a certain field, it doesn’t mean we cannot excel in it.
This brings me to my next point that we must be patient and remember that change does not magically overnight. We do not become famous or talented by the snap of a finger or by just saying one night before “Hey, I’m going to be a famous writer” and wake up the following morning being one.
These thoughts are due to the fact that we constantly yearn for instant gratification - we always want good things to come to us quickly. It’s very human to want to enjoy in the short-term, but does that mean that we’re sacrificing our well-being or other greater benefits in the long-term?
For instance, if someone is trying to lose weight, they may be tempted to feast on potato chips or ice cream when they feel hungry, but it’ll undoubtedly slow down their long-term goal and if they make it a habit, losing weight could be harder than ever. In a similar vein, they may be tempted to be lazy and turn on the TV rather than go out and exercise. However, without exercise, they will lose weight at a slower rate.
As such, it is important not to give in to our short-term desire for gratification and neglect the more pressing long-term goal. We've often been told stuff like "suffer now and enjoy later, or enjoy now and suffer later". In other words, there is always a trade-off between short-term and long-term pleasure or gratification, so we must know which one we should prioritise in a certain context.
So how do we deal with instant gratification and not give in to it?
Firstly, we have to start building short-term goals and be committed to achieving them. These goals could be daily or weekly, and it is important to strive hard to achieve them. Most importantly, these goals must be realistic and we must be certain about them; without the latter, we will be faced with a lot of doubt and be tempted to tweak the goals, which may be necessary if they are unrealistic, but not to the extent that they make us lose track of our original target.
Secondly, we can set boundaries and ask ourselves what impact an action could have on our long-term goal. Having empathy for our future self is very important, and if a short-term action will result in more harm than good in the long-run, then we should not pursue the action.
Say you are saving up to buy a new laptop when you see a really nice and trendy T-shirt that many of your friends are wearing. Would you buy it or not? If you already have sufficient T-shirts, it would be better to put that desire for instant gratification on hold and forget about buying it for the time being, especially if buying the T-shirt could burn a hole in your pocket. On the other hand, if you are really in need of new clothes, but the T-shirt isn't the most budget-friendly option, it would be better to look for a cheaper alternative.
Thirdly, we can surround ourselves with the right people who would motivate us to achieve our goal, rather than distract us from it. We must not give in to peer pressure too easily, and avoid those people who ask us to join in too many things that distract us from our goals. If we are studying and have examinations around the corner, it is important that we don’t keep hanging out with friends who go to the mall to hang out and chill till late. Rather, it would be wiser if we could hang out with a group of friends who study together after school, or if that is not possible, just go home or to the library and study on our own.
Even if we don’t have the right support, we can still be our own motivator. We need to have the discipline to achieve our short-term goals and have the discernment to see if an action could potentially halt our progress. More importantly, we must learn to say no when necessary, be it to others or to our own desire for instant gratification.
Keeping all these in mind, it is important to remember that self-care is important as well and it is okay to have off days or indulge once in a while. For a person who is trying to lose weight, if there is positive progress, they could consider allowing themselves to enjoy some unhealthy snacks at the end of the week, or allow themselves to have a lazy night instead of hitting the gym for just one night.
We must remember that we are not robots or machines, and if we take a short-term break from our progress, it’s okay. When I was studying very hard a few weeks before the A Level examinations one year ago, I allowed myself to just go out and watch a movie on one of the nights because I was just so stressed and tired of studying. In fact, taking a break may be necessary in ensuring that we don’t burn out, but we must ensure that we do not take too many or fall into the trap of making our breaks a distraction from our goal.
To ensure that we are on track, it’s important to regularly reflect on our progress on our goals. This is particularly important when our goal is something intangible or immeasurable, such as developing a positive quality. Qualities such as kindness or patience are not quantifiable, so the only way to track our progress is to reflect and ask ourselves if we have improved over the past week, or if there has been any specific incidents when we did well or could have done better.
To round up this point, the saying by Lao Tzu “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” is a timely reminder that things have to be done progressively and we must slowly but surely build ourselves up to achieving our goals, and they take time. Likewise, if someone wants to run a marathon but cannot even run a kilometre, the person has to gradually increase the running distance and his or her stamina. We can only imagine what will happen if such a person immediately wants to run the full 42 kilometres; they’d surely burn out and have to pull out halfway!
Along the way, there will definitely be obstacles, setbacks and even failures. Even as I was writing this post, I had to re-think my ideas and come up with fresh ones because I felt that I was going a little off-tangent. Doing something you love is not free from challenges! It is very easy to be disheartened by these setbacks and failures, and they may make us question why we set out to do what we wanted for our goals in the first place or even take a hit on our self-confidence.
However, it’s also important not to deal with setbacks or failure in a negative mindset. Thomas Edison famously said on his unsuccessful attempts to invent the light bulb, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” His attitude is admirable; he had such a positive mindset to his failed methods because it taught him what was not suitable for the light bulb and gave him a better idea of what would be a better way to create it, even if it took 10,000 ways.
Likewise, we can learn to adapt a positive mindset towards challenges or failed opportunities. They are there to develop and strengthen us as individuals, not to crush or defeat us. In each adversity or hardship there is surely something we can learn from such that we can do better the next time. When I found out that I was not very interested in playing popular games like Mobile Legends or Pub G and that I was playing just so that I could fit in, I didn’t see it as a failed attempt at finding a hobby; rather, I saw it as a positive thing because it gave me a better idea of what sort of hobby would be suitable or appropriate for me and allowed me to find something that I find more meaningful and enjoyable.
We must also remember to be kind to ourselves. Many of us are guilty of not showing ourselves the same love and compassion that we show to others. Rather than blame ourselves for the setbacks, we should try to say some encouraging words to ourselves and perhaps take a short break. Instead of saying things like “I’m such as failure” or “I’m never going to reach my goal”, we can change it to “hey, I have a better idea on how to do this next time since I know where I went wrong” or “it’s okay, we’re all human and we all make mistakes sometimes”.
When we reach the stage when we have made positive progress or achieved our goals to an extent that satisfies us, we must remember not to let it make us arrogant or complacent. It is very easy to be carried away by these feelings of superiority to others because we have gotten what we want, but we must remember that no good things are to be taken for granted and empathise with our former selves, when we were still struggling to achieve our goal.
Instead of that, we must remain humble and be appreciative of what we have, as well as try to spread the inspiration and good to people who are currently in a stage we were once in. We can use our story as an inspiration for them to achieve their dreams.
One person who can be seen as a role model in this aspect is Chelsea football player N’Golo Kante. He had humble beginnings, picking rubbish on the streets of France, and only got picked up by a professional club when he was 19. When he started to grow into the spotlight after he joined Leicester City’s title winning squad of 2015-16, he wanted to run to training because he didn’t see the need to drive, but he eventually was convinced to get a second-hand Mini Cooper after persuasion from friends that this was the culture among footballers in England. Now, he still drives the same Mini Cooper even after he transferred to Chelsea and enjoyed a considerable wage rise- showing that he doesn’t see the need to be materialistic and spend his wealth on new, flashy cars.
Even now, after he has won the World Cup and two Premier League titles, he still remains as humble as ever. While many footballers take their well-paying careers for granted and perhaps forget the hard work they put in to reaching their careers, Kante believes that he is fortunate to be playing football for a living and acknowledges the fact that many young boys born in a similar predicament to him wish to follow in his footsteps and become a professional football player, but only a few are able to do so. He also reminds himself that his football career will be short, so he should be thankful when he has the opportunity and make the most of every game.
His generosity and altruism is commendable as well - his former Leicester City teammate Jamie Vardy revealed in his book From Nowhere that the club had a policy that players who turned up late for training had to pay a fine of £100 that would be put into the players' pool. However, when Kante turned up late for training, he refused to pay the fine and validated his point by saying, "How can I pay that fine when there are people in Africa who are starving?" Isn't it admirable how Kante would rather give the money to people in Africa who genuinely need it - he didn’t forget that he was once in a situation when he was struggling financially, which is when he was a boy picking rubbish on the streets of France.
In short, it is important to remember that when we are achieving our goals, we must not fall prey to instant gratification or arrogance, but we must also take good care of ourselves and make sure that we aren’t at risk of burnout. Achieving our goals is a long process, but when we look back and see how much progress we've made, the satisfaction that will follow is priceless.
Links:
Photos:
Comments